10% Happier? Maybe.

I’ve been reading more lately. I always read newspapers and have a stack of books on my nightstand but sometimes TV intrudes on my reading time. This past weekend, I read a ton and finished Dan Harris’s 10% happier. If you’re unfamiliar with the book, Harris is a newscaster who was battling panic attacks and, as he so aptly called, it “the asshole voice in his head” or negative self-talk. Harris embarks on a journey through the self- help sphere in the most skeptical way. It reminded me a little of A.J. Jacob’s books, if you’ve read those.

Some things that have stuck with me from the book:

Just because a book changed someone else’s life doesn’t mean it will resonate with you. For example, Harris doesn’t relate to much of Eckhart Tolle’s writes. In fact, Harris interviews Tolle and doesn’t feel there’s much that’s useable in his advice. There are a number of books, Brene Brown’s work comes to mind, that friends or colleagues rave about whereas I cannot get through them. Unlike Bill Gates, I think it’s fine to put a book down and find one that’s not a struggle.

Wanderlust may be misleading. I am a travel junkie and I have always felt a certain pride in being adventurous. While reading this book, Harris describes the person always looking for the next thrill, trip or high. Maybe, focusing on these amazingly amazing moments makes everyday life feel dull or not enough. We were home this past weekend and, at first, part of me regretted not going to Vermont or somewhere new. Perhaps reading this book played a role but we had the best time. We had no plans, I slowed down…if you’re go, go, go reconsider a bit.

You don’t have to love yourself. Confession- I hate this advice. And again, it’s personal so if you love loving yourself by all means continue. For me, it feels phony. One of the experts on this book says he counsels against it. “Mindfulness gives us a way to examine our self-hatred without making it go away. Just being mindful of it can be liberating.” Harris points out, if we allow ourselves to acknowledge those less-than-lovable parts of ourselves maybe we don’t need to eat, pop pills or do whatever it is to hide it or distract ourselves. WOW

After reading this book I found myself looking at mediation as something with a payoff, I know that sounds wrong. I used to see meditation as something I should do, something other people benefited from. Now, I see it as something that could help me at work, help me pause and not react out of anger and tame that voice inside my head that’s an asshole.

What are you reading? Do you meditate? I’d love to hear.

I'm not a hugger (and how this can help you)

Call her my girl crush, idol or obsession; whichever word you use- I love Nora Ephron. I love her writing and movies, how much she loved NYC and, most importantly, her feelings about egg white omelets. I admire her so much I felt “bad about my neck” years before I needed to (and silently thank her when I apply night cream below my chin). So, when I read a review of Richard Cohen's new Nora Ephron biography She Made Me Laugh, I immediately headed to Barnes and Noble. Amazon prime would not do.

I've always felt some sort of connection to Nora; I'm sure many feel this way but as I read this fantastic book a few things stood out:

Nora abhorred religion

She didn’t like dancing

And she wasn’t much of a hugger

Why does this matter? It matters because you're supposed to like each of these things. And each of these things I've kind of fudged liking for a long time. And so now I feel I can be out.

I will never dance like nobody is watching and can't relate to that sentiment. I found another non-dancer (and married him) and we saunter over to the bar when the band begins. Or we watch other people dance and prove my dance theory and that is that being a good dancer isn’t a prerequisite for liking to dance. 

As for religion, I grew up Jewish-ish. There was no Hebrew school or bat mitzvah. We didn’t have seders...we had dinners.  We only had a rabbi at our wedding because I felt we had to.

And hugging, hugging confuses me. I don't mind a kiss hello but a hug is reserved for my kids…on visiting day when they’ve been away for three weeks.  I especially hate those awkward moments where you don’t know if you’re expected to hug or not.

As of today, I am going to own my feelings on these topics. My guess is that you have something you've been pretending to like too. If it's something as silly as dancing or hugging there's no reason to fake it. However, there are some areas where I’ll make effort to change such as bringing by reusable shopping bags, tracking my finances (I’d rather dance) and ending my delightful, summer fling with rosé.

It Was Me All Along

I read two types of books. For work it’s mostly non-fiction. There’s a stack of books staring at me on fascinating topics such as probiotics, hormones and seeds. On the weekends, I’ll treat myself a novel, something I can read more than one chapter of at a time. Though I like anything nutrition-related, rarely am I captivated by something I’m reading for work. However, I spent most of Saturday on the couch with It Was Me all Along. And if you’ve ever struggled with food or family, you will cherish Andie Mitchell’s story.

I do something weird while I read (and I randomly found out another friend does too). I fold the bottom of the page in a book if there’s something I want to return to. I had so many corner flips as I read this one. A few of my favorites:

Where does emotional eating begin?

Without giving too much away, in the first part of the book you learn about Andie’s early years. In a way both of her parents were absent. But it was her mother who was “scared of scarcity” and baked and cooked excessively when she was around who had a steady influence on Andie’s food and weight.  When she was around, we get the picture of a loving mom who truly wants what’s best for her daughter.

Change of circumstances, change of eating?

As I read, I thought surely when Andie left home and went off to college she’d be less lonely and her food might fall into place.  I was wrong, what started off as eating out of loneliness morphed into social eating. She found friends and entered relationships with those who enjoyed overeating too. In many ways, for better or for worse, our peers have an effect on our eating.

The realizations that start to change things

At one point, after visiting a drive through with a friend, Andie remarks she doesn’t even like McDonald’s fries “I wondered how many other foods I ate that I didn’t even like. Then I wondered, however briefly, if my eating was even about liking food at all”. Eating can be about so many non-taste related things. As Andie said best, “whenever I started to feel even one inkling of boredom, doubt, anxiety or anger, food would soothe me. At least temporarily.”

There are always “two voices”

Andie captures the struggle, the pull of “both voices” many of us have.  “I struggled between wishing away all the food that had collected on my body as fat and fiercely missing every morsel.”

What to do when things aren’t going so well

I loved a breakthrough Andie had when she was wavering “oh so this is going to suck for a while”. She compares eating to a marathon “where miles 10 through twenty-six just purely, uncompromisingly suck. ” It’s not always fun and many of us have to realize that.

Mindful Eating

Some of my favorite parts of this book are when Andie goes abroad to Italy. She discovers running and cooking but also pleasure in food. It’s a major, meaningful and beautiful shift going  “from someone who ate to capacity to distract her mind, into someone who purposefully tasted every morsel, was not unconscious”

We can lose weight without really addressing things

 “I wanted so badly to conceal the fact that, despite a radical transformation, I remained as screwed up as I had been. I was alone with myself. I was exposed. I was left with emotions I’d eaten for twenty years”

And finally…

“I was simply one person who happened to have lots of history and personal experience with dieting, losing weight and learning to love her whole self”

Have you read or heard of this book? Which quote resonated with you? What are you reading now?