Is food an issue in your relationship?

Sure you want to eat that?

What are you uncomfortable discussing? Sex? Money matters? I would normally add politics to this list but most of us have extinguished that fear this election season. Today I’m shooting a news segment on couples and food. The producer joked to me “it’s easier to get heroin users to talk to us.” I sent a few emails to clients and friends. We have two women and one man on board to open up about food differences in their relationships. However, the majority of the responses I received went something like “this is a huge issue for us but I’m not sure we want to air our dirty laundry.” Really? We weren’t asking people to strip naked. Rather “he’s a health nut and I’m not” that sort of thing.

When a client enters into a new relationship I always ask, “what kind of an eater are they?” While this may seem unimportant initially, while everyone is on good behavior, you eat three times a day, it will matter. If you love to stay home and cook and he wants to go out every night OR he is gluten free and you are “gluten full” you need a game plan.

No need to completely convert

“We need to work on his eating” a client told me last week referring to her boyfriend.

“No we don’t” I said. Let’s work on your eating. As long as your partner isn’t AGAINST your eating regime, you’re ok. We don’t expect our significant other so think the same way we do and so they don’t need to eat the same exact way either.

My husband loves golf, I promise you he spends more hours golfing than eating. I tried it and I don’t love golf (understatement alert). He doesn’t expect me to golf, we’re good.

Metabolism Matters

When it comes to eating, metabolism, gender and age affect how much you should or can eat.

A tiny woman shouldn’t match a big guy or you’ll have relationship weight gain.

Homemade Helps

Cooking at home allows you to share the experience of meal prep and menu selection. If one person likes fries or steak, you can make baked fries or sweet potato fries and grass-fed steak. Or, you can add a veg for the healthier eater. There’s usually that Venn diagram overlap or some common ground.

No Food Advice While Eating

This is the same advice I give to parents of teens.

“Are you sure you want to eat that?” is never going to be met with “oh you’re right, I don’t’ want to eat that.” If you’re going to say you’re worried about their health, I am sure but don’t worry about it at the table. There is nothing sexy about policing your mate.

Finally, as I said in my blog last week, let’s not be so shy about this. Whether you’re in a new relationship or a longstanding one you can discuss food and eating. Just don’t contact Foodtrainers for “couples Foodtraining” we don’t offer that service for a reason.

We're not on camera, tell me about your relationship food issues. Do you and your partner eat similarly? Was that always the case? If you do not, what do you do to compromise?
And finally, happy halloween...if you missed it here is a link to our "healthy sweets you can eat newsletter".

How To Pick An Active Vacation or Retreat (from someone who knows)

Lauren and I are no strangers to airplane rides or adventures. I’m sure our shared history traveling on Semester at Sea and desire to live FULL lives are two of the reasons we work together so well. This past year, I made it a priority to say 'yes' to as many escapes, adventures and retreats as my calendar (and bank account) will allow. Rather than having a Year of Yes (great book by the way), I think of it as only saying YES to things that make my body feel really good. Food, movement, and good people are my priorities.

(yogascapes Moab with Kerri Kelly + Jason Bowman) 

I should share that as an anti-type A person (more type Z), retreats are my favorite way to travel. After showing up in Thailand itinerary-less a few years ago, I’ve realized that planning, or outsourcing the planning, is in fact wonderful and necessary. Interestingly, Lauren is a self-confessed type A-person and likes outsourcing the organizing too. This way, she can obsess about something (or somewhere) else.

Here’s how to choose a retreat:

Pick your priority: is it to meet cool people, have some bootcamp and a little booze too? SurfYogaBeer is run by some of NYC fitness scene’s best, and they host worldwide fitness and fun retreats. I’ve met some of my best friends on these trips. But, if your priority is more to do “self work” and get a little hippy dippy with it, Kripalu R&R or YogaScapes retreats may be more for you.

(post bootcamp/hill sprints with SurfYogaBeer Amalfi)

Know your magic number: Everyone has their # of days that makes a vacation go from “best trip ever” to “I want to go home”. Mine is 5. Know your #.

(from an organic cafe we hunted down in positano, italy) 

Don't assume when it comes to the food: surprisingly even “health” retreats don’t always have the healthiest food. So do your research and ask questions – remember, you’re paying! You can request gluten free and extra veggies etc. Also, always pack your own safety snacks and search for local juice and smoothie bars. *But if you’re going to Italy, try the freaking pasta...

(my first time surfing w/ SYB Costa Rica) 

Try new activities: You absolutely do NOT have to be an avid yogi to go on a yoga retreat or have any surf knowledge to go on a surf retreat. Many people I’ve met on my past few trips are complete beginners. Don’t let your lack of experience keep you from trying something that sounds cool. For example, a retreat with a campfire cacao ceremony, anyone? 

(hiking the Path of the Gods, Positano)

Friends and family optional: when in doubt…. Pack up and GO! Go alone, go with friends, go with a love, go with your kids, just go. Recently I did this with a close friend on a trip to Moab, Utah with YogaScapes, not knowing anything about the destination or people (Type-Z strikes again), and it was one of the best trips of my life – and one of the least expensive ones, too.

(moab under canvas)

Cost contributors: Camping is a great way to save money (or glamping, Under Canvas is a cool alternative in national parks). There's something fun about going a little rugged, especially if someone else handles the tent set up.  Also, sharing rooms is not usually as creepy as it sounds and can make things much more affordable... but if we're being honest, Lauren pulled out of a meditation retreat at Garrison Institute because she had to have a roommate. Pick what's most important to you and pay for it.

(view from Capri)

Healthy vacations aren’t just for the 20 or 30-something or single! Lauren has done biking/hiking/camping trips trips with her husband and kids to Yellowstone, Zion and the Grand Canyon with Backroads. Many companies offer family trip options.

For me, my next “work” trip is a blueberry adventure with Lauren in Maine. And then I'm thinking a silent retreat – yup, no Insta AND no speaking… sounds terrifying, so I have to do it.

Where are you headed next? What have been your great retreat or travel experiences? 

How do you feel right now? Give me three words...

 Today we kicked off our 3-week Summer Squeeze.  This is not a super-strict, quick fix regime (that would be our Whipping Week). This was designed to get habits in line and establish an eating system before summer officially starts.  In order to get an idea of where participants are at we asked, “give us three words for how you feel right now”.  Responses included stressed/large/blah/flabby and tired, can you relate? And then we wondered, “how do you want to feel?”. Our Squeezers said “healthy” “under control” “back to myself” “confident” “calmer” and “energetic”. 

I attended a memorial for a great man yesterday. It wasn’t your traditional funeral. We were in Central Park. A group gathered mid day, a few friends and family members spoke. They remembered a kind man, a “gentle soul”.  He never raised his voice and always thought of others. One friend said, “he always found the perfect presents” and “always showed up with too much food.” We were invited to take a stone with some of his virtues on them.

So where am I going with this? How does this relate to food and weight? It’s that we spend so much time on getting ready for the swimsuit and white jeans, as Lena Dunham says “the ass”.  And I’ll go on record again and say the ass, belly, thighs, arms matter, they do. But we make progress or can make long-term progress with our weight and food when we are connected to the feelings. Last week my wise therapist said to me “you have a good handle on the physical now let’s focus on your mental diet”. It’s also healthy to focus on what we’re “showing” others. The man I spoke about above was so, so handsome (and that was discussed) but there were no stones in the basket that said “hot”.

So, give me three words to describe how you feel right now. How do you want to feel? What would you want your “rock” to say?