Would you tell someone they’re overweight?

Last week, I was bargaining with myself to get on the treadmill. I was sick of my playlists and glanced at my podcast roster. I saw a Dear Sugar podcast on body image. It was 40-something minutes on what sounded like a juicy topic. I chose this over Adele for the thousandth time. If you’re unfamiliar with Dear Sugar, it’s Cheryl Strayed (author of Wild and my favorite BraveEnough). Cheryl and her podcast partner Steve Almond (best last name ever) tackle all things interpersonal and touchy. If you’re not familiar with podcasts, I’d resolve to change that this year.

This podcast was called “The Weight of Love”. Cheryl opened by sharing about her own weight fluctuations. She admitted she felt better when her weight was toward the low end of her range but appreciated that her husband told her she was beautiful regardless of her weight.

I’m summarizing as the podcast really focused on two letters written by listeners. The first letter writer was a guy in his twenties. This guy was in a relationship with a “terrific woman”. He said she was a little overweight and this was an issue for him. He deliberated whether or not to say something. He ended up saying something in a casual, less than sensitive, way and “she didn’t take it well.” Cheryl reacted strongly, she didn’t feel he should’ve said anything and even suggested he break up with her if size mattered. Steve asked Cheryl if withholding his opinion was honest. My view is our words need to be chosen very carefully in these situations; however, they’re legit and shouldn’t be closeted.  

I’ve written before about a conversation I had with Marc. I was writing about couples and weight and said “if I gained 100 pounds would you still be attracted to me” or something like that. He, never one to be politically correct, said “no”. As we talked, he said that being active and in shape was a big part of our relationship.  I totally get that even if it’s not what I’d like him to think. And I think Cheryl’s advice for this young man is what she’d like men to think. While it’s nice to imagine our partners love us 100% as is, if you are in a relationship there are changes you’d like to see, whether they are physical or no.t As I discussed Monday, I’m pro change.

Why should we be open with conversations about sex, money, in-laws and children but bite our tongues about weight?. Our weight affects our confidence which affects how we interact with others and especially how you feel in an intimate relationship. There’s a shift in the ethos; it’s taboo to focus on weight. I was castigated in certain circles for the title The Little Book of Thin. The Little Book of Wellness would’ve been OK. I’m the last person to rank size above other, more meaningful topics like health and gratitude but it’s part of the picture and shouldn’t be ignored.

What advice would you give the letter writer? Would you talk to a partner about weight or be ok if they brought it up to you? And what are your favorite workout songs or podcasts?

If the Halloween candy "called" you, here's why

 Via Vo/shutter stock

There’s a definite pattern when it comes to adults and Halloween candy. Many adults resist candy on Halloween. Then, the next day if it’s in the house or at the office they start to pick. “Just a couple” pieces here, a couple there. The same thing goes for Thanksgiving. Day of, many clients are on plan. The next day? The leftovers take them down.

Why is this? Many people make a decision, ahead of time, not to eat candy on Halloween or not to eat the 5,000 calorie meal on Thanksgiving. It’s clear what the plan is for the holiday itself. The day after? There’s no plan for that and so deliberation begins. “Should I have it?”  and this line of questioning rarely ends well.

I read a thought-provoking Vox article, “the myth of self-control”. The first portion of the article is a little depressing as the case is made that it’s super tricky to pass things up. “Human beings are terrible at resisting temptation.” Then came the  interesting part. “The people who are really good at self-control never have these battles in first place.” It’s not that some people have more willpower, it’s that some people avoid having to exert it.

If you want to avoid the exhaustion that comes with fending food (or other temptations for that matter) off some ideas:

Planning

I talk about this throughout The Little Book of Thin. The fewer food decisions you make on the spot, the better. When you’re staring face to face with the muffin tray and negotiating, your odds are slim. A Foodstalking client has a coworker with a candy bowl or “bowl of bullshit” as she calls it. The bowl was her downfall every afternoon. “One or two things only” wasn’t cutting it. Instead she called out of B.O. B. and put it on her “no” list. No piece here or piece there, no contemplating no bullshit…period.

Reminders and reinforcement

 In research mentioned in the article, people were texted reminders of their goals to help them make good choices. A couple of years ago, we started our Foodstalking program. We were astounded by the success and demand for spots. In this email-based program, we are in touch with clients daily. This encouragement and accountability helps establish new behaviors. Having a buddy is another way of doing this. Enlist a friend or coworker (spouses aren’t best idea for this) and work together to skip the candy, make it to your workouts etc.

Substitution

 “No candy” for some sounds daunting. In order to avoid the bowl of bullshit, my client has an RX Bar at 3pm every day. You can replace a food with a food or it can be a behavior. Taking a walk after dinner or meeting a friend for a workout instead of a drink are other examples of substitution.

So don’t beat yourself up for a slip. Instead, backtrack and see where you could’ve avoided that temptation all together. I’ll remind you about this  again before Thanksgiving and leftovers come into play.

New Years Resolutions: Oprah, “Healhy-ish” etc.

We are all hypocrites. I realize that’s not the most motivational sentence to start the year but it’s true. My ears perked up with I heard Oprah’s soothing voice seemingly honestly recounting her weight struggles. “You look in mirror and you don’t even recognize yourself”. The press said that people were in tears over this narrative. In another TV spot she says, and I paraphrase, it’s not about a pair of pants but I want my best body (I’m confused, doesn’t the “best body” feel good in our pants?). I love O but she alludes to weight being about underlying issues and then the Weight Watcher’s logo pops up. Weight Watchers is about counting and points.  And if we’re talking numbers let’s just say that Oprah's "numbers" or should I say bottom line improved from this deal (and stock purchase)*

Then there’s Bon Appetit’s pretty January “healthy-ish” cover. Props to Bon Appetit for their health-conscious issue but “healthy-ish” reminds me of my most hated wellness phrase “everything in moderation.”  Why the euphemism? Is it that healthy sounds dreadful but “healthy-ish” is OK? It reminds me of when my book came out and people didn’t like word thin.  Sites and platforms that clearly appeal to women who wanted to be thin didn’t want to say “thin”.  For them healthy was ok. Not us, at Foodtrainers we’ll go out and say it –thin, healthy it’s all cool. 

Just when I thought I had escaped the healthy hypocrisy, I read the Sunday paper. There was an article about spanx and the popularity of these garments. Nothing wrong with spanx but I personally allied myself with Liz Lange who just can’t or doesn’t want to spanx. My two spanx-y experiences are 1) thinking I had a major GI issue and then realizing my digestion/wellbeing were being compromised by the contraption under my gown and 2) I was sent a “yummy tummy” and literally got stuck in it. Was my tummy too “yummy”?  Either way, I thought there’s nothing worth being uncomfortable for.

But soon after reading the paper I got dressed. You know what my reasoning was for choosing my skinny jeans and form-fitting turtleneck (usual ultra-glam Sunday uniform is hoodie/ loose jeans/uggs)? I donned those jeans because I found that I had a couple lbs “leftover” from a week of skiing (more like ski-eating). I wanted to wear an outfit to remind myself of that.  So I guess I’m a hypocrite just like you, sigh.

It’s a new year, maybe we’ll changein 2016.  Anyway, this year I’m looking forward to banglessness, writing and our Whipping Weeks (week 1 started today). And yes, these  “healthy” weeks will make your pants feel better.

Any resolutions? What did you think of the Oprah ads? And what about the word healthy-ish?
*please note that I initially cited the incorrect figures for Oprah's deal with Weight Watchers. This doesn't really change my thoughts and feelings about things but I apologize for my error.